The Path of Emotions in a Marriage

In today’s Marriage Talk, Pastor Priji converses with Pastor Virginia from Apostolic Revival House, Mumbai who shares her experience and thoughts on the different ways of expressing and managing emotions.

Transcript:

Pastor Priji: How long have you been married and how did your marriage evolve over the last decade?

Pastor Virginia: Before even I met Vijay, I started praying about my marriage very intentionally. I kept asking the Lord if I was ready because I never thought I would be able to commit to marriage, because it seemed very stressful with all the marriages that I was exposed to in my life, and I was not certain about commitment. There was a lot of supernatural nudging of the Holy Spirit that I felt to pray about certain things at certain points in my life before I met him. We met at a youth camp, and I started praying, and then at that point, I went to Pastor Shyju, and he guided me and Vijay on how we should go about with praying and hearing from God, and eventually, we did hear God, and both of us were on the same page. We have been married for almost nine years now, and we have come a long way, and it has been a beautiful journey so far.

Pastor Priji: I want to know from your perspective what are the dangers of comparing your spouse or your relationship with someone else’s?

Pastor Virginia: The minute you compare one person to another you already attribute a sense of inferiority. From a personal level, you made the choice to be in this marriage, so the moment you start criticizing, you are telling the other person that may be I did not make a good choice, and even though you do not mean it, but in the way, you conveyed it makes a lot of difference especially comparison. Comparison is a relationship killer, and it sows the seed of dissent that always lets you don’t find joy, and joy is something that should be the biggest part of your marriage. Comparison is dangerous in all forms.

Pastor Priji: How do we process the emotions and the expectations that we expect from our spouse?

Pastor Virginia: We had conversations where we expressed our expectations to each other. Firstly, unless you do not express your expectation, you cannot expect the other person to even acknowledge what you want. Secondly, not every expectation is going to be met, it is like with God we have desires and we have our wishes and God does not give us everything we wish, want and desire. He gives us what He knows is best for us, and it is only after we have got what is best for us we understand that we wanted was substandard of what God has given to us so we have to have an open mindset in marriage as well. Sometimes expectations are just expectations, it is just a desire that is expressed.

Pastor Priji: What will be your suggestion to do in those seasons where you feel disconnected and you could not express as you could early on in marriage?

Pastor Virginia: I think the first thing we need to start is praying to God that whatever wall built between me and my spouse needs to come down immediately, and then you make true efforts to go back to your spouse and then take it from there accordingly. Through every issue that you face as a couple, the objective is not to prove the other person wrong, it is to find the solution.

Pastor Priji: What would be your advice to a wife who is struggling to express how she feels and the husband is not able to understand that?

Pastor Virginia: In this kind of situation, what we need is to pray. If a man cannot understand, the God who created man will be able to. I really believe that has worked for me personally each time I have come to a point where I have founded it difficult to explain it to my spouse. As a woman, we need to first sort our emotions out in our heart first, have our words clear and then have a conversation. When we try to have a conversation when we are emotional, we will end up saying things we don’t mean and also it is not clear because it comes out with a lot of anger. As a rule, when we are angry, we stay quiet which give us some time to process and then go to our spouse.

Pastor Priji: What would be your encouragement to somebody on the verge of giving up on their marriage?

Pastor Virginia: The first thing in this situation of course after going to God I would say is going to your spiritual parents, you need advice and guidance. In fact, if you are not already keeping your spiritual parents or your mentor updated with big life updates, then you should start immediately because you should never come to a point they are surprised by what is happening and you find yourselves all alone.

Giving up may seem like the best solution, but I believe it is not the right thing to do. For times when it is difficult, hold your peace and do not lose your peace over things that don’t matter. Never take a decision in an intense situation. God is very serious about marriage. Hold on to God. I am absolutely certain you will come through.

Pastor Priji: What is the best way some of our listeners can connect and receive from you personally?

Pastor Virginia: They can connect with me on Instagram. On YouTube, you can connect with us at Apostolic Revival House.
We have not yet started in-person services yet, but when we do, we will be sure to announce it on our church Website, Facebook, Instagram.