God’s Assurity in Marriage
Transcript:
Pastor Priji: We Welcome Pastor Benson and Ruby all the way from Dubai. They are the Pastors of a revive nations Church In Dubai. Thank you so much for coming!
Pastor Benson and Ruby: Thank you so much Pastor Priji for inviting us to this Podcast which has been a blessing to us.
Pastor Priji: Before I begin, I would like to know how your Journey began. How did you meet, get the confirmation that this is the person I need to get married to and the process towards marriage.
Pastor Ruby: I stumbled upon a picture posted by you, with Zahal & Benson. Immediately I saw that picture, the Lord made me believe that He would be my husband and there was a sense of peace that I knew comes from God and i took off to start searching about who he was and discovered He stayed in Dubai but I didn’t want to be away from my parents who were in Mumbai but I didn’t understand that God had a bigger picture.
Pastor Benson: Before I had gotten married to her, I kept asking God who was the one but once we met, Within 3 days I had the sense of confirmation that she was the one God had purposed and two days before this I surrendered it before God and trusted him that He will bring the right Person in His time and I would like to take this moment to honor you and Pastor Rashmi for keeping us connected.
Pastor Ruby: It really matters where we are and only when we are in a place of rest we will find the correct person.
Pastor Priji: When we are in a place of rest is when God can work the most in our lives. Sometimes When we try to do the hard work, it becomes the most challenging and confusing thing. Sometimes we get led by our emotions and expectations but having God in the picture from the start is a beautiful way to start a relationship especially if it has to lead to marriage.
How Long have you been married now?
Pastor Benson & Ruby: Almost five years this November
Pastor Priji: And how has these last two years been since you’re busy and Ruby has to take care of the kids and How did you manage to capitalize on these two years of working from home? How did it help you both and We would love to know how the Lord has worked in the midst of all of these to make your marriage stronger.
Pastor Benson: So, the start of 2020 January was the month that changed the trajectory of our lives and changed our lives in a very different way because it was when The river conference Dubai took place. The start of the decade has been an absolute blessing for us and especially these last two years, God has been gracious to us. The very fact of being able to work from home has helped us to save two hours of travel and be able to spend time with the kids. Also, spend time in seeking Gods presence. Spiritually we have been blessed to be connected with our roots, growing in Christ and with the word coming to us from Revive nations every week. We also realized we need to address certain behavioural changes in our kids such as cancelling words that have been put into them which may not be seen as anything and filling them with hope and their identity in Christ.
Pastor Ruby: We would have been Cleary lost if we were not connected to the right stream and using this opportunity to thank our parents in the Lord Prophet Shyju Matthew and Mama Tiny. With regards to Children, as he said him being in the house makes me feel good and in spite of him being busy I know that I can rely on him.
Pastor Priji: I have seen how much our kids have become so secure in their lives because growing up they had never seen me for an entire year and I used to be away and travel 10-15 days and every morning when they wake up I will be at home, just that feeling brought security in their heads. Everything has evolved in the last two years and there has been a phenomenal change in their lives and I am thankful to God for that. You know sometimes in marriage there are external factors that keep eating one up constantly. What are the other things that in the past have been a stumbling block to intimacy in your marriage? What are those things that stop us from becoming the one God wants us to be in marriage?
Pastor Ruby: The basics of any marriage is communication and if you do not communicate properly, nothing is going to happen and we have to talk with proper respect. And we are still building on it as we find ourselves at times having communication gaps and we do these buy reminding each other to keep one another in check always. We do not have any trust issues. behaviour also matters a lot because if you have an ego, it will be a problem . I used to have the tendency to get angry but Anger is not the first emotion but to stop and think before talking .
Pastor Benson: Behaviors aside, one of the biggest problems we have today is technology and we have seen it today that there are many people who are disconnected from each other and consumed by technology. But with the help of God, we have been able to get out of that though it is a very tempting thing to sit, rest and get some form of entertainment but we thank God for being intentional.
Pastor Priji: That is really Powerful. If you were faced with a couple that face constant disconnect, what will be your advise to them if they’re struggling with technology, trust issues or miscommunication?
Pastor Ruby: For starters it is so important to have a mentor. In our case, it is our parents in the Lord because they are in a higher place in marriage which we would like to grow up to. If it is difficult to talk to your spouse then it is important to have a third party talk to them. Also, to have an open heart in accepting the other person as they are only God is.
Pastor Benson: Having someone who speaks over your life is important In terms of vision it is important to have someone above us who can speak to us and tell us these are areas which need attention. Also to be very intentional about marriage because today what we see is many people go into marriage in an auto pilot mode, living life like they have been living it before and expect everything to fall into place but we have learnt and are learning about how we treat each other and help each other with things at home and things outside. It takes a lot of effort.
Pastor Priji: Whenever we think that we will naturally be Good at marriage we are making the biggest mistake because we have all become very self centered in what we do from the fall of man. Unless we become very intentional, pursue mentorship and counselling, listen to a podcasts and learn from other marriages we will not know. Intentionality is undervalued and is so necessary if we would want to break every disconnect in marriage . What advise would you give to take advantage of those little daily opportunities and grow in oneness and grow in emotional relation with your spouse?
Pastor Benson: That’s a good question. We have been intentional about spending time with each other and we should not be in a place where we feel that we know our spouse completely. We have to make the effort to know them and understanding these details are important. And I have taken help from God in understanding my wife and how she does some things the way she does.
Pastor Ruby: Just giving me a cup of coffee or asking me how are you even when he is in his work space is such a big relief especially on those busy days. The simple things we find joys in such as cooking together, cleaning the house together. It is something which we have been doing together.
Pastor Priji: Using these few things to connect with each other and talk your heart out and growing to know each other is beautiful because not everyone has the money to go on vacations or have the time but everyone can try even when caught up with busy schedules and you both are inspirational for us. I would like to know from your perspective, how do you stay accountable, teachable and what are those steps you have taken to ensure no third person comes in.
Pastor Ruby: Thank you Pastor Priji, that is something that we have been working on for years. But firstly we have been very intentional in how we talk and speak to the other gender, who we meet or how we meet. We have cut down on many friendships in the last year which we have seen is not of God. Another thing is prayer because we have to pray together usually for our marriage to work. and it has led us to think about how our marriage works as there are divorces which we have personally seen and it has drawn our attention to how important prayer is in marriage. Just a simple fact of holding hand to pray, I put it way above the physical intimacy.
Pastor Benson: We do our best to not be fake before people, to be how we are at home even before people. When we got into our marriage we realized that I had the thoughts of what will people think and this was because of how I had grown . But we have come to the place of wanting to please God and not men. We believe that even before God we have learnt and setting an example will be a way of adding value to another person’s life.
Pastor Ruby: When Benson says he has a feeling or discernment concerning a particular person I feel the
Pastor Priji: It is beautiful to have an accountability partner in your spouse where you can seek help or counsel. You have just been married for 5 years now, what will be your advise for someone who is married for a year or two? What will be a word that you will give to someone who will want to grow in their relationship with one another.
Pastor Benson: Out of these 5 years, in the last two years we have understood the value of growing spiritually together more than anything. We all believe that God created marriage and He does not create anything for vanity he has a purpose. When a man and woman come together, I believe it has to be met with the idea of the One who has created it with purpose. Many of us have desires to be married and they may not be wrong but we realized It is more important to start your marriage with seeking the purpose of your marriage from God. Physically you may see that the enemy may be attacking your marriage even before you get married. The first step i believe one needs to do is to seek God first
Pastor Ruby: It’s not only about leaving family and letting loose. It is important to have a social life also but not in a way to live like the world. To leave family and cleave to spouse so that one can be a better in law to the family. We realized the power of being in one accord when one day our daughter had a cough and we were having an argument and when we got home and reconciled and immediately her cough stopped. It is so important to have your thoughts in Unison so that God can work.
Pastor Priji: That’s so powerful that when we take our first few years to grow Spiritually together rather than choosing to be adventurous and travelling. All of these can wait but it should be something to first seek Gods kingdom and then wait for things bto fall into place at the right time. That is really beautiful.
Would you just take a moment to pray for our listeners and release the heart of God over everyone who is waiting for a spouse, Children, provisions in marriage, answers on how to overcome weaknesses addictions and struggles.
Pastor Benson & Ruby: Father we thank you for this wonderful opportunity to be part of this Podcast and share our hearts and story. You have been gracious to us and its nothing of our power but we just thank you. We understand that there are marriages that have been struggling and are in pain but we ask for your grace and strength for those struggling and having communication gaps or inadequate transparency. But we pray father that you give them wisdom and a voice above any other voice around them. Lord, we have many brothers and sisters struggling with divorce but we ask father that you reconcile them and bring correction needed into any areas of their life in Jesus name.
Pastor Priji: Amen! Thank you so much for being on this podcast. We’d love to know you more and connect with you. what are ways that our listeners can reach you?
Pastor Benson & Ruby: We would love to connect with anyone in our revive nations church in Dubai incase you are there please so feel free to connect and I believe the best place will be Instagram that is @ruby_jms & @benson_daniel