Jesus is Our Similarity
In today’s Marriage Talk, the newlyweds Abeyson and Abdela discuss with Pastor Priji, how in spite of their differences and backgrounds, they came together as God had planned. They eventually discovered their similarity lies in Jesus alone.
Transcript:
Pastor Priji: Welcome to Marriage Talk, I’m glad that each and everyone of you is tuned in for this conversation, we have a newly married couple. they’ve been married for about 5 months now and they’re here with us and we would love to hear their journey and what brought them to this point and how God has used different people, stories abs situations to inspire theirs and we hope that this conversation will encourage , bring you hope and bring you life and help you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus because He is the one who created and ordained marriage, and he’s the one who can help you make your marriage perfect and beautiful. So, please take a moment to say hello to our listeners, dear Abeyson and Abdela. Thank you for joining us, we’ d love greet our listeners.
Abdela: Thank you Pastor. Hi everyone, this is Abdela.
Abeyson: Hi, this is Abeyson and we are so grateful you’ve called us in this podcast and be of that circle, where we can talk offline and we are grateful to do this online, hopefully our conversations are gonna bless you and bring hope.
Pastor Priji: We hope and enjoy the dynamic that you guys have. i know that you’ve been married for 5 months; the way that you love the Lord and love each other, has been so exemplary. Could you tell me how this marriage was orchestrated? perspective of somebody else’s life and we get to see that in our lives. I do get to see that it will provoke their faith and believe God to do the same for their marriage. There are people listening whose marriages are breaking apart, there are people who are crying and praying for the right marriage partner at the right time. So, we would love to know where did your journey begin? Individually if you could first begin about your personal journey
of waiting on God, praying and asking God what was your expectation and desire and how God trained you for that process of singleness?
Abeyson: So, I guess when you hear both of our stories, it is so true. So, me being in America, I knew eventually that the family is going to be pressurizing me to get married and all that stuff, and so even though I did not prepare or I didn’t know about any girl in mind or go back to my parent’s house and things like that. I was working towards saving up and all those like i was thinking five years ahead, when i do get married, these are the kinds of things that i want our family to start off with, because I don’t know how super long it was going to be. At least in the beginning, when I wanted to build that family dynamic stuff but when India came into the picture and me moving to India, I didn’t really think too much about it, maybe that’s something that was on my mind before but getting involved in what was happening at the moment. I didn’t really think about marriage about until the pressure from the family came about, with the whole get married thing, but even in that process, i was just dealing with my past relationships and things in the past that were going to be a part of my life and even about thinking let the Lord deal with my life, because I wanted God to heal everything that’s from my past, where I don’t drag that into my new relationship.
Yes, that happened. I’m not going to deny that things that were in the past. I’m not going to deny that things were not exactly how it was meant to be, but am glad God is a God who redeems and restores, so that’s what I was waiting for. I was not looking for anyone particularly, while single but asking God to heal me from the past, So I could be prepared to start this journey going ahead.
Pastor Priji: That’s such an important prayer to pray, because if we get into a committed/covenanted relationship without being healed from things of the past, it can become a headache in the future, so that’s a big prayer to pray. If there are any singles listening in this morning, it can be a brilliant thing to catch on to and begin to pray. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be your past relationship, it can be your upbringing, your parents having issues, whatever wrong understanding you’ve had about marriage growing up, it’s necessary to bring it to the Lord heal your heart before entering into your marriage or relationship, that’s powerful.
Abeyson: I’m just reminding that there’s not such a big thing that it’s not such a great thing that if what I’ve done can be restored. I’m just reminded that if God is big enough to restore, because me —I’ve been hung up on past relationships for almost five years and could not think or even move past that and I’m like, “I don’t know if God’s going to ever be able to— I think I will have to live like this”. No, God is one who can restore and He can say a word and things can become new.
Pastor Priji: Wow. Abdela, how was your journey in the preparation? In the singleness?
Abdela: For me, honestly I was not looking for marriage or not waiting to get married. I was not against it or looking for it. For me it was most of what I’ve seen in my circle or age group, was people striving to have love, because of lack of love earlier in life but I’m grateful to God, because I come from a family that really loves and they are vocal about love. They’ve been physical about it and I’ve felt it everyday of my life that I was loved by my parents. So, one of the things that I’m grateful for was I was never pursuing—even when I met Abeyson from a place of lack, but from a place of abundance. I believe that’s a great place to be in, because you can never look for a person from a place of striving or lack because once that striving is met, you won’t be able to do more with that person. Once that lack is met, it would be hard to be with that person. Coming back again, I was 25 in 2020, my parents never forced but my relatives were very concerned because in India especially, when a girl turns 25, it’s like the benchmark or the end of life for some people, but my relatives were worried so my dad said to me one day —People used to say things to me, because I was not that person or girl who used to date and stuff. I am not against people who do that, but personally for marriage, I believed I won’t go searching anywhere. I remember I turned 25 in April 2020, and around that period when people used to ask me, I would just say this, I would say “If God has to bring a man in my life, I don’t need to go searching for him, he will come searching for me at my door. if he has to bring him to me, he will cross oceans and countries and make him come here, to my door” and God take you for your words people, it literally happened. God made somebody sitting in Dallas, flow down to India, to come to Hyderabad and meet me where I am. Just always be from a place of abundance and not from a place of striving, that makes a lot of difference for you, and again I’m someone who enjoyed my single hood to the fullest. It’s not a shame that you’re single, it’s such a beautiful time to have with God.
Before you share your life with somebody else, you have that period of time, where it’s just you and God before you get into a covenant with somebody else, which is of a lifetime and enjoy. I remember the night before my wedding, I was looking back at my life, all throughout and I was so grateful for the singleness I had with God. So embrace the time that you’re in, it will happen, don’t rush it. Not what society decides or your parents decide or you think that you should get married, be at peace and in peace, you will find God’s purpose for your life.
Pastor Priji: That’s beautiful. I think the perfect role model for singleness is Jesus himself. The fact that Jesus was single all through his life and perfectly content, He was fully loved and loved others with his whole heart, and if we can imitate that—like you said Abdela, the thing that most people are looking for in a marriage is love that will satisfy them and eventually, they will realize that nobody is perfect, nobody can love you perfectly or with an unconditional love that God has loved you with, and eventually you will get hurt and get to a place of being burned out and then it becomes a struggle, but if God has already met our heart’s needs and poured his love in our hearts, then it just becomes so much easier to go to the next step, to commit to that love, that covenant in that love, is amazing. These are things that single people have to learn.
Abeyson: Not only single people, because I feel like even being married 5 months, it still had to be God completely satisfying my heart.
Pastor Priji: True, it cannot be that you make your spouse or future to be partner as an idol and that’s what happens, when your’re expecting this person to be the solution or the answer to all your life’s struggles. You’re actually making that person your idol, and I think that’s the danger and that is what breaks marriages and builds relationships on the wrong foundation. I want to know from your perspective, after having met each other, how did you know that this is the—how was that process?
Abeyson: I don’t know if we knew exactly from the beginning, like the whole family side of things, get married and they actually put me on these matrimony websites and funnily enough my wife now, who was sorting through one of those profiles to see who should be my wife—so I guess, we were just friends and from that place, I think the first thing that I thought even when I considered this person is “man, even though she is a great friend, I like being around her” just being a friend, just talking and stuff, so that’s how it started and even when I asked her “would you be interested in doing something like this?” I was never sure that she is the one. I don’t know if I completely believe in the one process also, because if somebody in the world messed up their one, then everybody in the world messed up their one too. So, I don’t know if I was aiming for finding out if she was THE One, but I knew that I liked spending time with this person as a friend, and I wanted to see if that was something that she was also interested in and maybe we can grow together into that place of loving each other more than just friends who are hanging out.
Abdela: So whenever, we tell our story, it just says that we did have an arranged marriage but we arranged it, so that’s how it is. We arranged our marriage because even when Abeyson approached me, I was shocked and my reaction was I just walked off. I was shocked because I was not expecting it and it doesn’t need to happen that you will see a guy and a guitar or violin will start playing in the background. At least, nothing like that happened for me initially or later on. It’s just in the movies, but I believe what took me from there, was his honesty; was something that I always wanted to see in my partner, I saw in him. Being somebody who has been a part of ministry, I’ve seen church from onstage and offstage and I always wanted to have somebody in whom I can see Jesus. If he is somebody who is onstage, I would like to see Jesus in church and off church, because it’s easy for us, trust me. Being a kid, being a pastor’s kid, it is easy for us to put ___ off church and for me, I met Abeyson outside those four walls. I didn’t even see him lead, I didn’t even know he could preach or he was a pastor, all of that but just the person that he was and was reflecting Jesus, just being a friend, I could see him and taking the extra step and showing other people the love of God. One of the things was that yes, if I can see Jesus in all these scenarios, I can do life with him and secondly, one of the things for me has to be in signs.
Abeyson keeps saying that he was looking for marriage and his parents kept sending proposals. The moment that he asked me, I though this might not happen, not because of him but his parents. As you know, he is from Dallas and I’m a missionary kid, my parents are very humble, not saving for their daughter’s marriage, they just live by faith and sadly, there is this thing in Malayali culture, they believe, especially if they are living abroad that if their son is getting married to somebody, she has to be a nurse. Because the saying goes “Only a Malayali nurse can make your life possible on earth” so that doubt came in my heart and I just said one thing in my heart “God if this is from you—” the first thing that I told him was “please, I’m not somebody who believes in dating. If it has to be, let it be straight up marriage” because I am not against people doing it, but I believe you can’t not know a person enough to decide to spend the rest of your life with them. Even after 20 or 25 years of marriage, people still discover new things about their partner. So, you always get to know anything and everything, so that was my theory of what I wanted in life. So that’s what I told Abeyson “Listen, you talk to your parents, if they say yes, I will talk to mine because they will say a yes.” So he talked to his mom first and she said yes, which was not surprising, but I was waiting for his dad, because his dad was a little agitated in that part. I don’t blame him, because he grew up in that scenario where money was important, and I told God that it should not be a yes in a long term. They should not process in two or three days , I told God, the moment that he tells them, it should be a straight up yes, and that’s what happened with both his parents, that was a relief for me, a sign for me. And I’m not saying that you should go and put up signs and put God in pressure, but even when we do, I feel like God is faithful to honor that. God doesn’t have to do that to prove himself, but just to keep our heart and just because he loves us, he does that and when that happened, our parents talked to each other and they fixed the engagement and that’s when we started dating. Even our story goes that we started liking and seeing each other, we didn’t fall in love, we grew in love. I believe all the talk happened in August 2020 and November 2020 was when we got engaged and I believe in October, we were in love. We grew in love, where we could say “I love you” moving from a place of “I like you” and this is the guy that I will be getting married to.
Pastor Priji: Abey, you mentioned that you were not looking for “the one” you were looking for somebody that you could do life with, that would love Jesus along with and Abdela, you were looking for somebody who was real, who would be the same on and off stage and somebody who would make you love Jesus better or represent Jesus and that’s beautiful. Because, sometimes the criteria and expectations that we have are very superficial and that ends up becoming a deterrent and ends us up in the wrong kinds of relationships even. Having the right expectations and heart towards the right person is important, so having the right heart towards the person is very important and the fact that you gradually grew in love. So, it was not a one moment thing that can go off in one moment. I’ve heard people say that it was love at first sight, although I’m not against that, I’m saying it’s just a one moment thing, it can go off in one moment but if it’s a commitment that grows and continues to grow over a period of time, that’s beautiful. So, I want to know how did you guys get moulded and adjust to each other, before marriage and how did you after beginning to love each other, make changes or make compromises or bring about anything that you thought was pleasing for my relationship like prioritizing my relationship over my friends over my family, my future, my personal preferences, how was that process? because love requires sacrifice. How was that process for both of you.
Abdela: More than that, it was like stay in the same line, when it came to me and Abeyson, getting together, we are very strong individuals. He is strong in his identity, earning, moving out of the country, took bold steps in life, which I’m not. I stay by myself, I have a strong identity too. So, when two people having very strong identity come together, it’s not very easy to co-exist together and for both of us it was a lot of differences. At a point, more that me, he felt it, it was really hard for him, I was looking past it but for him, he’s very vocal and very observant, so he noticed things very quickly, so he did that. I noticed that after our engagement, for one of the meetings we were in Delhi and one of the days we were going in the metro and he was like “we have so many differences and I don’t know how we would live life together” and I just kept quiet but it hit me, I just got engaged two months back and here I am with the guy I got engaged to, but I just kept quiet and said that to God and I said “Yeshu papa, what did he just say?” but I couldn’t ignore because it’s a reality, it’s not something that we could just ignore and I didn’t want to ignore it but I kept quiet because I didn’t know how to react to it. For me, when I do when I don’t understand thing is I just take it to God, leave it there for Him and sooner or later, he will answer me with it. Five minutes later we got down in Connaught place and it has a circle where a lot of things happen, so I hear this musician singing on his guitar and he was a little afar I felt like listening to him and he said “yes, sure” and then we went towards him and we heard him, though he was playing a secular song on his guitar and people were giving him money, I was just led to stand there and pray for him. So we held each others hand and prayed that he might see Jesus and one day sing for Jesus and all of that stuff and then I wanted to bless him with something, but I had no cash in my wallet, I only had cards, so I kept quiet and I’m still getting accustomed to Abeyson, so I was very individual again, I wouldn’t ask money from Abeyson, it took a very long time for me to but I kept quiet and turns to me, gave me his wallet and he said “Whatever you feel like, just give it” and so I gave the money and we turned back, and as we walked and I heard the clear voice of God saying it in my heart that “your differences are many but your similarity is stronger, because your similarity is Jesus” and I remember I held his hand and we almost teared down in that Metro trip and that was the core of it and became the core of our wedding, where we said Jesus is our similarity, because every time that we hit a place that we felt like we are going two different roads, then that one word Jesus being our similarity is enough and we found our secure ground in that, so that made the road easier for us.
Abeyson: An imagery that I always get is how we are in God’s hands and we are literally in God’s hands, no matter what the difference is because we are in His hands, he knows how to use those differences to complement each other, just like how a chef would know how to add these different ingredients to bring something that is so beautiful. Yes, God does not want us to be like each other, but he knows how to bring those differences in a complementing way more than a contradictory way.
Pastor Priji: As long as we don’t take things in our own hands, and decide for ourselves and we don’t throw a temper tantrum, and run away from the issues and we stay surrendered to the same God, I think that it becomes so much more easier for us to grow in love, compliment and love each other and one thing that I do take back from this is that hearing from God, that one statement that was so important and foundational, in so many situations in my life, when those situations would come, I would remember the word that God gave me when I was pursuing marriage and that one word/statement, would give me so much confidence and assurance that is a revelation. It’s easy to just hear this in a podcast or a video, Jesus is your similarity, but the fact that you heard that from the Lord that becomes your foundation. It’s so important that in our relationship, we hear the word of the Lord for our relationship and that word, becomes a foundation, a cornerstone. We’ve reached a very beautiful spot in this podcast, and I’d like for both of you to pray for our listeners and release this grace from the Lord that you’ve received from Him upon them. Some are married, some are unmarried but either ways, the presence, the voice of God, the grace of God that can come upon them, so either ways if you can just release this grace upon them and that one word can bring hope and one word God speaks can bring restoration to marriage, will renew covenants, and relationships and rebuild that love that had broken or faded away, so just speak what the Lord lays on your heart that will bless them.
Abeyson: Jesus, we thank you for who you are in each of our lives and bringing us together. Thank you for Pastor Priji and Rashmi that we can look up to, thank you for the listeners and for each of our different stories that are different. You know each hair on our head is accounted for and you know each one of our individualistic stories and how you are bringing them together, you know them better than themselves and you know how to guide them in their journey. So everything that you have revealed to us and shown in our marriage, we release over their life and we just bless them with revelation and so much more wisdom how to do things in their individualistic areas and thank you Jesus that you’re becoming more real to them at this moment, as they listen. It would not become a podcast or a concept,a message but it would become something real they will see and experience in their lives and we thank you that you are doing that and we will get to see and witness those lives around us, we will get to see through comments and glorify your name, Jesus.
Abdela: Father, we give everybody that’s listening to this podcast in your hands. Thank you for speaking to their heart and your presence filling the space that they’re in right now. If you are single, just embrace this moment with Jesus, as your partner, be filled with him. God loves you too much to keep you from something that is good for your life, so at the right moment, the right things will happen and you will be in awe of good God bet. If it can happen to me, where I was not looking for the right person to come. I pray that all the lies of the enemy that God says that their future does not look good or it is only for few people, I pray that imagery of you God, goes away and they start living in the awareness of God. You freely give so we can freely receive, so as freely as you give, help us to freely accept it and walk in the identity, in our singleness or married life, knowing God is good for our lives. He is not there to make us feel sad or be beaten up, but He is there to show us how much he loves us and every good thing pertaining life is your portion today and every single day of your life. Father, I just bless them and say that this is not just a podcast but this be a channel of blessing to so many and they share and this passes on. I pray that whatever you have heard today, just passes on for your marriage or singleness. Thank you, Abba, that you are good over their lives and you are good over this moment.
Pastor Priji: Thank you Abeyson and Abdela for pouring out your heart, we would love to know how our listeners can be in touch with you guys? I know you put up a lot of content online and you are also ministers in a church in Hyderabad or contact you online or offline.
Abdela: While I was praying I was just lead to say this, if you are listening and have been hurt in a relationship and by church or anything and if you’re listening to pastor Priji’s Podcast, if you are in Bangalore, don’t hesitate to visit BRC. I can vouch that Pastor Priji and Pastor Rashmi and BRC will accept you as you are. They are not here to beat you down or change you. They will show you the love of God, come and find that first in Jesus. If you feel ashamed and rejected by other churches or in that area, take my word, just walk in one Sunday, see the goodness and see the love of God in this place. You are loved, just come. I do have a YouTube channel called Abdela Elizabeth Philip, where I did a recent interview with Pastor Priji, go check it out and know his life in detail. So we hail from Hyderabad, for now. I am on Instagram @abdelaphilip
Abeyson: You can message me on Instagram it is @beautifulwaste2020. I got inspired by Pastor Priji, so I and my friend are on YouTube.