Thriving Under Changing Seasons

Here’s Apostle Priji sharing some practical keys for couples on how to adapt during the changes and transitions that occur during the period of marriage.
Let us know how this episode blessed you and if you have any questions or testimonies, do write to us at ⁠[email protected]

Transcript:

Lucy : Greetings and welcome to marriage talk. Thank you for tuning in and commenting on all our podcast. We are so grateful that you have been sharing the content that has been coming out to you and we hope that it has been helping you and building you up in whichever season of your life you are in.
Before starting, we hand over to you Apostle. Would you want to say few words!

Apostle Priji : Yes, thank you Lucy. We are so grateful for this season that we are able to make content that is edifying, helping the body of Christ, helping marriages and relationships. The last podcast was about singleness and navigating through different seasons of singleness. I got a lot of response from a lot of people who are not yet married or pursuing marriage or had a broken marriage who wrote to us that they were really blessed and have gotten a lot of answers from the podcast that we sent out. So we are so grateful to the Lord for everything that He is producing through this particular podcast. And I am excited for what God will speak today.

Lucy : Amen! So am I excited. Likewise I received people coming back that whatever we are putting up over here is helping people. So we are grateful for this season that we are getting to hear from you and you have been giving us so much wisdom. It’s not just only scriptural and spiritual but also very practical. Thank you so much for teaching us.
Let me jump right into the questions that I have today. Today I wanna talk about changing seasons in marriage and the reason why I am talking about this is because before we started recording you mentioned about changing seasons. I wanted to understand that what did you mean by that? And does every marriage go through seasons that go through change?

Apostle Priji : Yeah, I do believe that every marriage and relationships it matures and go through different seasons and it goes through a lot of changes. The relationships evolved over a period of time it changes as you grow in understanding about the person you are married to. It changes as you grow in understanding and revelation about yourself. The more you understand who you are, the more you understand your identity and the dynamic of the relationship changes.
However the point that I really want to focus on today is the fact that there are changes that can happen because of which your whole structure of how you do marriage it can change from one season to another.
For example, when you are married and the only two people you are worried about is the husband or wife. You are just worried about yourself or the spouse. And then the third person is added into the equation. You get to know that they are expecting a baby and as soon as you know the entire dynamic of marriage changes. It has to adapt the change to welcome the baby and also to continue to give each other what is necessary in marriage and your relationship. The time, efforts and attention. So it is necessary that we learn that marriage does go through different seasons. And if you are not ready and prepared for that transition we can sometime over do somethings and not give enough priority, time and effort to other things. And when we don’t do that there are other things and other areas we are not focused on and ultimately over a period of time that can create a void or a vacuum. So I think that understanding different seasons require different expertise, different focus. It requires us also to change according to the situations. You cannot be the same person you were when you got married and had no child. The way you get involved and managed your time schedules, breaks and vacation. Everything has to change in the next season. Let’s say that Lord moved you to another nation. The way that you lived in India cannot be the way you live in Gulf. The way you lived in Gulf cannot be the way you live in the West. Like you moved from Mumbai to Bangalore. And you know the culture. There is a huge difference in the way you do family times ,everything has to change. From how it was in Mumbai I am sure you have your extended family and relatives. In Bangalore you have to build your own network. So every time there is a change we have to adapt and grow and change accordingly. Nobody likes change, or being pushed out of our comfort zones. And if we don’t adapt well at that transition point what I have noticed is we usually tend to stress or weight on one another and sometimes I have seen people break under that stress. I have seen people loose their focus and their commitments and end up in really bad things because they were under a heavy stress. So I think the problem was not that they were not loyal or planned or that they were not wise enough. I think the problem was that they were not prepared for a different season. So you continued to function in the next season like you are still in the previous season. And because of that you are not really ready to adapt and change and welcome the new opportunities and also embrace the new limitations. There are certain things that I may feel this is limitation once the baby comes. And yet that is also an opportunity, also a door now we can explore to see how can I do this differently or how can I go out on a vacation in a different manner. How can I still enjoy my physical intimacy with my spouse in this season. How can I still take out my personal time to pray when there is such a heavy schedule of taking care of the baby. How do I still take time for myself and for my personal bible reading and prayer. Or still focus on my relationship with my spouse and there is still so much to do that we continue to grow. Because if we don’t pay attention to this, then it is just a matter of time it becomes a very disfunctional marriage or disfunctional relationships.
Most the the marriages that don’t know how to handle the changing seasons, they really develop bad habits during that time. Sometimes it could be a reliance on an unwanted person or habit. We all have our coping mechanism. For some it could be just watching television. For some it could be just eating, shopping, talking to a person and specially if there is conversation happening with somebody in the opposite gender that also opens a door for the enemy to enter. So its very necessary that we be very careful and understand that seasons do change. And when seasons change we have to be ready to adapt. We have to be ready to change ourselves and be ready to reinvent ourselves and be ready to get into those shoes.
You look at David, he went through so many changes in his life. He was a shepherd boy, all of a sudden he got anointed to be the king .Then he got the fame of being a soldier and a warrior. Then he was serving in the king’s court. Then he was kicked out of there. Then he was a wanderer. Then he become a warrior. Then he was serving in the enemy’s territory and then he finally came back to his own kingdom. So you see different seasons. So many different roles. So many different expectations that each season has of you if you don’t accept and change accordingly it is very easy for you to get discouraged. It is very easy for you to be emotionally drained out. It is very easy for you take the stress out on your relationship and your marriage. My prayer is that we will not allow what life does to hurt our marriage. Because life can be unfair, life can be unpredictable. Things happens that we don’t want it to happen and when it does happen we have to learn to adjust in that and change accordingly.

Lucy : Yes, while you were talking I was just thinking of my marriage and what we have gone through. And I do remember Ereld telling me that at some point when the baby came he started feeling unloved. That was not the intention behind having our daughter in our life. But then I also realized that I was doing it unknowingly where my attention was drawn so much toward my child being a mother. We don’t have, like you spoke about the right expertise. If at that point of time there was no voice that spoke to us. We would have probably been drifted away. But praise God for the voice above our lives, for our mentors and spiritual parents.

Apsotle Priji: Absolutely, actually it really helps like when you are going through a particular season. To go and talk to someone who have been there first. Who have gone through that valley. Let’s say you have lost your job why don’t you talk to someone who have lost their job and have survived through that season. You can ask them what did you do? How did you cope with your husband loosing his job? Wives talk to other wives and husbands talk to other husbands. Just learn from the experience of other people so that you won’t end up experiencing the same mistakes that they do. And especially when you know that you are about to have a baby it is a very wise thing to do to go to other young parents around you and ask them how did you do cope up with this. How did you prepared food in the house? And how did you manage your finances? How did you make sure that you still get time for yourself? How did you make sure that you are still able to pray and please give us glimpse into how you do your life and ask as many as questions as possible and learn. Nobody is gonna come and try to teach to you things that you don’t want to learn already. So if you ask questions you will get the answers to those questions. I think it’s very necessary that we as a community, as a Jesus loving community we be prepared for different seasons in life. I read this in particular scripture, it says in Proverbs 24:10, if we fail to act in a season of crisis than it shows that we were actually weak. There was no strength in us. All along when you are in this current season and everything looks fine and everything looks awesome and you think that I am able to manage everything well. God doesn’t see that as strength. God sees that if you are in a season of crisis, everything comes to a halt or everything comes to a shift. When things change or when the time change. Are you still able to be effective and productive and fruitful. Then you are strong otherwise you are weak that’s what the proverbs says. If in the season of crisis, if in the season of adversity you do nothing. Then you are really weak. And my hope is that when adversity comes, see again not everything will look like an adversity. Some can actually look like an opportunity.
For example, You are moving into a country that is more prosperous, more blessed. There can be more doors more opportunities that your salary might be increasing you may be living in a better house. In lot of ways it may not look like an adversity and yet there may be so many changes that you have to adapt to in that season, like the same time you had before you may not have at that time. Same fellowship you had before you may not have at that time. So there will be those areas you may have to learn to adapt with that adversity and say. This is a genuine challenge and this is how we are going to work together, sort it out. How we are going to work together to help each other and to complement each other in this season. So that we don’t find ourselves in a place of lack.

Lucy : That’s beautiful!! You shared so much of light onto so many different aspects of change in marriage. What I do want to ask you is what if there are seasons were you are not expecting a change. Like for the example you gave, you spoke about being pregnant with a baby. That still gives you time to adapt or change. Like you spoke about moving to countries and preparing. You still have time to move.
What about the seasons were you don’t see it coming and how do you deal with that? and how do you make sure that both are on the same page?
Because sometimes we do notice that one has the capacity to adapt to the change but the other is still lacking behind. So what about season’s that you don’t see it coming and how do you work together?

Apostle Priji : I think the scenario that you mentioned where one has the capacity to adapt to the change and the other doesn’t . That is a good thing. Because at least one person can carry the extra burden. But the problem that happens is when both people are not are ready for this sudden unexpected change. In fact as much as pregnancy is planned and you have time to prepare toward the arrival of the baby even the fact that you got to know you are pregnant. I have seen how people have gone to a state of shock and they have a gap that is developed in the marriage even though everything is planned prepared prayed for prophesied over once the baby comes then there is so much changes especially with the mother. You know that there may be hormonal changes, physical changes. There may be commitments that they have had with regards to finances. All of that sudden seems to increase and even the most planned situation can sometimes be challenging to handle situations and yet the funny thing is we are really good at handling things when something is just thrown at you suddenly than when you have planned and prepared for sometimes. Because when we have planned and prepared for somethings you have a certain expectation. You have a certain way that you are hoping to turn out. May be you can say this is how we will be parenting, how I will be sleeping or this is how I will do our finances our food all of that and when things don’t work that you thought it would, that brings a greater disappointment than let’s say an overnight shift of when you are placed. Sometimes we have a better capacity to adapt when you are not prepared.

Lucy : Does it mean that you might be preparing physically or practically but not emotionally?

Apostle Priji : I think that even if you are not preparing physically or practically or emotionally. The thing is that there is a level of peace that you need to have in your spirit which has to guard you in every seasons of your life. Because if you are not at peace in your spirit. The bible says the fruit of the spirit is love, joy and peace. It is the fruit of the spirit. It is not the fruit of the hard work you have done. It is not the fruit of all the planning and preparation and the saving up that you have done. It is the fruit of the spirit. So if the peace that you are trying to achieve, if it is not coming from your spirit then no matter how much planning that you have done. No matter how much preparation that you have done you will not really enjoy the change. You will not really enjoy that season. But if you are at peace in your spirit it becomes much more easier to handle any changing season and situations. And that is where I believe that couples, husband and wives should spend time just exploring that how they growing in their dependence on the Holy Spirit. Not just praying together, reading bible together but just engaging in conversations like what is God speaking to you in this season and how is the Lord leading you and what is the Lord talking to you about. Because the more there is the dependence in their spirit the more the fruit of the spirit will manifest in our lives. The more we walk in love joy and peace. I can’t imagine walking with the Holy Spirit and not in love. Walking with the Holy Spirit and not having joy. Walking with the Holy Spirit and not having peace. If you are walking with the Holy Spirit and not having these things then I doubt if you are walking with the correct spirit. Because this is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit he will bring love, he will increase joy and he will give peace. He will give you a kind of an assurance that you have deep deep down there that no matter whatever happens no matter what changes around me. God is still faithful His promises towards us, our homes and family will not fail. I have seen very extreme circumstances where let’s say a child passes away or somebody in the family passes away or one person lost their job and they suddenly end up in a lot of debt or there is something they couldn’t have predicted, expected. Somethings that has been put on to them without asking for it. And that can sometimes be a thing that we are not expecting at all. I believe that as a child of God you don’t have to live in fear of the future. You should never be anxious about what if this happens or what if that happens or what if this doesn’t change or that doesn’t change. So you should never live in the fear of the future because that is what Jesus said “Do not be anxious about tomorrow”. So I am not teaching you to be anxious about it and loose your mind about what has not yet happened and yet I want you to ask the Lord to put on every spiritual capacity and ability that you need for every season. This is how God does it before you sit on the throne He would sent a Samuel with an oil to anoint you and that oil is not just for the time you sit on the throne that is for the wilderness journey that is for the killing of the Goliath, that is for the time of rejection from people. That is for the time when your wife is mocking you. That’s going to be a capacity that is going to help you endure through all the different seasons. And here we are thinking that this oil is only for my own rulership as a King. And yet the next day you are not going to be sitting on the throne. You are going through all these different seasons in life. Probably this oil was also for that. The bible says when Jesus came out of the water the Holy Spirit descended on Him and He got tempted in the wilderness. Wait a minute. I thought that the Holy Spirit was so that he could do the miracles and signs and wonders and what we see happening immediately after the Holy Spirit descended on Jesus , is the temptations in the wilderness. So probably the anointing that is required, that is needed to sustain through that wilderness is also given to you in that last season. It was also given to you during that transition. So knowing that and tapping into that is very key for us to survive through some hardships that life can throw at us. Not just to survive I would also go on to say the times when you can avoid this hardship by spiritual discernments, by building altars ahead of time and saying I know my family this will never happen in my family. Every time the enemy comes and speaks a lie into your head that your husband is about to betray you or your wife is about to do this to you or your children is about to leave the faith. Your job is going to be crazy and this and that is going to happen. All these negative thoughts that the enemy is trying to ready to feed into your minds immediately build an altar and you confess what God has spoken over your family and marriage. In doing so you can avoid certain seasons. You can avoid certain detours that is not necessary and having said that, there are times things will not catch you guard where you are not ready, where you are not prepared that is when you tap into the peace that God gives you and that is when you communicate that peace well to your partner. It is necessary that at least one person in the marriage has received their encounter with God in that season. And every trial and every challenging situations that we go through we need an encounter that will help us survive that trail.
Like Jonah in the belly of the whale. He had to have an encounter there not after he comes out, there in the belly of the whale he had to have the encounter. And that’s how he began to sing a song. He began to pray a prayer. This guy who slept in the storm now in the belly of the whale there was an encounter there was a shift there was a change of posture that happened. The same thing that happened to Elijah that when he was going through that wilderness experience he had an encounter with God where God spoke to him in a still small voice and then he had an exchange of conversations and he received instructions.
Jesus, the bible says when he was going through the times in the garden of gethsemane and he had his encounter with his Father and angels were assigned to go and strengthen Jesus. Can you imagine, the bible says angels were assigned to strengthen Jesus. He is the son of God. He is the one who has it all a perfect one and in that season he had to depend on his own Father and receive his encounter and receive his own strength and help for what was about to take place. I think that if we don’t have that element than we will try to survive that season in our own ability and when we try to survive that season on our own ability we definitely develop a handicap. We will have hurts, wounds, soul wounds. I am using this word very wisely wounds in our soul. Not necessarily in our bodies and in our spirit. But wounds that are like deep in our soul and wounds that we end up carrying in our whole lifetime. This wound it will now play in your marriage , your parenting and in your every choice and decision that you make in life. You would think of a business because of starting of this wound. You would never trust your neighbors because of this wound. You will never be friendly in your church because of that wound. This wound can cause you to have a disfunctional marriage or life after that. So it’s very necessary that you don’t try to survive difficult season in your own ability. You ask the Lord to give you an encounter. When Jacob was running away from his father, not technically from his father but his brother. But he has to receive the blessings from his father and he was leaving his father’s house and then going after his uncle’s house. He did know that he needed an encounter. He is going to be outside his father’s covering. He is going to be on his own all by himself. He himself didn’t even prayed for it. He didn’t desire for it and that is why when he woke up in the morning, he said God was in this place and I didn’t know it. I was unaware about it. He was caught by surprise by that encounter and yet it was that encounter that sustained him through the twenty years in Laban ‘s house. All the injustice, all the mistreatment all the stealing and cheating that Laban did, this encounter it caused him to still flourish and kept him on his foot. His wives they didn’t have the encounter but he had it. He kept reminding them do you know my God he said this and promises me this. I know that you have not seen this God the same manner I did and have not understood it but I know who I am speaking about. Praise God if the wife encounters, there is nothing that can beat that. For example there is a family in the bible Manoah and his wife, both of them are going through a season of bareness and both of them encountered God. That is the most beautiful thing. But if not one two should have encounter. Like Zechariah has to have an encounter for Elizabeth. Abraham has the encounter but Sarah didn’t have. Sarah didn’t believe the encounter she laughed. She thought it is a joke. And yet that Abraham had to have an encounter to help them survive that season of bareness.
So I really believe that if at least one of you can pursue that encounter and desire that God has for your family in this season. Then you can carry that extra weight because there going to seasons in your marriage where you will not be able to do 50/50 . Were one’s person capacity may only be 10℅, they may be so hurt, so wounded that they may be running at very low emotional, their ability to meet people and pray may be less. They may be hurt with God and their walk with God. They may be going so low. And as a husband or a wife if you can pitch in and you say I will travel the remaining 90℅ in this season and I am not also going to be at 10. It is a problem when both of you are going to be 10 that is the place I pray that none of us would have reached. Whenever you see one of us is discouraged or down. The other person has to immediately man up and say I am going to pray now. I am going to seek the Lord. I am going to do an extra 50℅ to cover up for my spouse. There is no gap that is left in this relationship and if we prepare well, if we do this things well. These are spiritual dynamics I am sure that there are physical aspects to it to deal with and yet these are spiritual dynamics were we depend on the Lord. See if you been listening to this podcasts by now you know that we are not trying to give you relationship council or relationship advice. We are trying to deal marriage from a spiritual perspective. From the basis of God’s word. Because we understand that human beings we are not just emotional creatures, not just emotional souls but we are spirit beings. So everything flows from the spirit to the soul to the body. Not just soul to the body or not just what’s happening in your heart. So your feelings are not just the most important thing or what you believe in your head is not the most important thing. What is the state of your spirit is the most important thing. And if you would have an spiritual encounter in this season. You will survive. You will do well it doesn’t matter what life throws at you. It may be a cross, you may be crucified hung naked and that not to mistake of your own. That someone else sin that you are carrying on yourselves. You will not fail. You will have the strength to endure. The bible says Jesus for the joy that was set before him. In Hebrews 12 , for the joy that was set before him and Jesus was hanging on the cross. He saw a beautiful picture that brought him joy on the cross with all the agony, with all the physical pain, emotional pain and spiritual pain. Jesus had a vision a picture of the joy that was about to come. Because of that picture he was able to endure the cross and so if Jesus can endure it we can too. He is our role model. He is our example to go through changing seasons and times. And when something happens and you don’t expect it, how to process it well. I believe that having an encounter is the most important thing. I am sure that there are other aspects to it. You can learn to process your grieve well. If there are things you need to grieve over it than grieve over it. If there are things you need talk about it with the therapist, a pastor, a counsellor, a leader, with someone you are accountable to, please do that. And yet nothing can replace an encounter with God. When we are going through challenging situations. We have to immediately throw ourselves at the feet of Jesus and receive an encounter.
I will finish with this, when David was told that his child is sick. He knew that is about to end up in death. He knew that this is bad news. This is the result of the consequences of something bad that has done and yet he just threw himself down at the feet of God and he wouldn’t get up for that seven days. He was straight before God. He didn’t ate and take bath or didn’t do anything that he would usually enjoy. He just stayed there until he hear from God. Till he could negotiate with God. Till he could have conversation and answer with God. And yet you don’t see God answering his prayers and at the end of the encounter he still woke up and now he is satisfied. In the next chapter we see that now David he comforted his wife Bathsheba. How did David received comfort. It was in that seven days of being at the feet of God and now he is that strong , now he is one that is comforting others. He is also going to loose his son. He is also going to loose the next person that is going to be on the throne. And yet right now he is so content in his heart that he is able to go back and strengthen Bathsheba and speak life and encourage her and say it’s ok, it’s my mistake ,let’s start all over again. Lets navigate through this season that is ahead of us. And let’s try to process it well. And basically what David did is he become a 95℅ when Bathsheba only has 5℅. He because of his encounter with God he became that 95℅ and he filled in the gap.

Lucy : That’s so deep everything you shared Apostle. I don’t think listening to this once is going to do any justice to this podcast because you shared so much. It was so deep and beautiful. I received so much from what you were sharing. Thank you so much for bringing so many different aspects at one short. And bringing so many different examples. I hope we are able to learn from this and build more. I hope that we take time to understand our encounters and I pray that the people who are listening that are able to increase in their spiritual understanding and intelligence. Thank you so much for all of these. It was so beautiful. I think my job is done here. I have no more questions ,you have answered all of them that were there in my list. Thank you for doing this Apostle I hope this blesses you. Please share this with someone you know are in need. And we pray that it blesses them and encourages them. It builds them and we are hoping that we are able to do this more to empower you and to know who you are in Christ. Thank you so much Apostle. We are grateful.