Is Counselling a Taboo?

In today’s ChurchTalk, Pastor Priji & Pastor Sijo converses on the important of counselling and the right way to give and receive the same. Do listen to understand and learn counselling in a better way.

Transcript:

Pastor Sijo: Hello, everyone. Welcome to church talk podcast. If you are a pastor, if you are a leader, if you’re serving in a church, this is a right place for you to be well trained, well equipped, wherever that you are serving, that you will have, that you can serve the Lord in the best way possible. Today in church talk, we would love to have a lot of understanding and insight about counseling because many in church think that, we pray and that is enough. God will take care. There is no need to go and look after help or ask somebody to help in a particular area that you are struggling with. It has become like a kind of a problem where if you don’t know, is it right to reach out to a certain person asking for help in a, for a particular area, is it wrong so that I can just pray and things will be sorted?
I truly believe even, you know, I’m, so, you know eager and, you know, interested to learn about it today. And I believe the same with you. And you will have a better insight over this topic today.
We have Pastor Priji who will help us in this discussion. And we are so blessed that every month that we are blessed, we are trained and equipped in every aspect that we face in church. We are so, so blessed to have you in our church talk podcast that this is a question even I had, like there are few certain areas we, we don’t know, is it necessary that we have to go and ask counseling for this area? Is it biblical? Do we have any references in the Bible to know that, you know that we have to go for counseling?

Pastor Priji: Sometimes we undervalue the ministry of counselling. The ministry of counseling doesn’t heal. Counseling is not where you get healed. You get healed with an encounter with Jesus. Our healing cannot come from anywhere else except the presence of God.
We need to sit under people with godly counsel, for example, in the Bible, you would see how Nicodemus went in the middle of the night, not to receive prayer, but he wanted counseling. I think that when you read the book of Psalm 23, the Bible says thy rod and thy stuff, it comforts me that you lead me beside still waters that you take me into greener pastures, and you feed me from there, he says. And then again, it says in Isaiah 11:2, that the Holy Spirit is a spirit of counsel again. That’s why I believe firmly that counseling is biblical, that’s why Jesus himself as the title.

Pastor Sijo: Amen. Amen. Thank you so much. What is the purpose of a counseling? For example what’s the end goal that we can take a person, for example, somebody is struggling with a lot of emotional, like battle continues attack happening, you know, how can we take them through the process? What is the end goal to?

Pastor Priji: Christian counseling is very different from the way the world does it. The world’s counseling, even if it is wrong, unless it’s dangerous to their health, they would say, okay, go ahead, try it, experiment it, and come back to me.
A Christian counseling is on a different note where you understand that there is a framework we already have, and we tell them things, even when those are not natural or the accepted way of counseling things. Christian counseling has to have a small element of mentorship in it. You can’t just counsel, you also need to constantly mentor this person’s soul. With every meeting, you need to become more and more like Jesus. The more you define some of these goals, the easier it is to work towards it else.

Pastor Sijo: Also, there is a challenge we see in churches, like we know a certain person is going through some challenges but the person might have trust issues; there are times when people are going through so many things but we see them smiling. How can we identify people who need counselling?

Pastor Priji: It is very important to understand because if we don’t identify and re-direct them then they will be lost and they will still continue in pain. In India counselling is looked down. Not every counselling is related to mental health issue. There are times when people need counselling because they need to take certain decision, certain things have to be processed.
Identifying these people will need to journey with them. Ask the right questions.
When Jesus was with the Samaritan woman, how did he manage to bring out the issues of her heart? He started with water. The water was something physical and tangible, that is what she came for. Jesus started with something tangible and made his way up to her heart issues.
When we identify a problem in someone, we directly jump onto it. If we can begin with some surface level tendencies and issues and then slowly help them process one thing at a time, and then we realize that it’s not just water, but that they need real love that will satisfy their heart.
If you have been coming to our church, and you are still struggling in your marriages then you need to sit with one of our leaders and talk!
We need to journey with people intentionally, God exposes their struggle and pain. Only if you are diligent is when you will identify people and will come up with solutions.
We have to make it a normal culture to receive help and counsel. Jesus is the wonderful counselor and he will help us to counsel people.

Pastor Sijo: Thank you so much dad. Sometimes we as leaders and pastor we might go directly to the point and it might not be comfortable. How can we identify people who carry a heart for counselling?

Pastor Priji: If we can identify people who have been counseled in the past and have received inner healing have the ability to sit and listen, those who have received help for their own emotions, it will be helpful. Whatever ministry they do, they will do it from a place of healing. If we can identify people who have a testimony of how God sorted their minds, it will be helpful.
As pastor’s sometimes we lack patience. But if we can find a group of people in church who have the ability to sit and listen, who have time, then that will be helpful.
We have to be careful in this ministry as it deals with people heart. So we have to choose people very carefully.

Pastor Sijo: How can we train them when we find people who have a calling to counsel?

Pastor Priji: There are lot of program available. We can help people who are interested in Christian counselling. People who are in the church, who would like to equip themselves, pick up a certain book; I would recommend a book called ‘Basic of Biblical Counselling’ by Larry Crabb. This book helps you to understand on how you can do biblical counselling, it gives you basic of what is needed and necessary. You can also call someone from outside to train people. Never take this ministry easily. We have to do all that is required to help people as it deals with people heart.

Pastor Sijo: We have people who are counselling people, but there are times they might be drained; so is there any way we should draw a line? Should there be people who are overlooking people who are into counselling?

Pastor Priji: Absolutely! Counselling is very much like shepherding flock. There is always a chief shepherd over the under-shepherd. If these people are counselling, it can be mentally and emotionally draining. It happened to me that I almost entered a phase of depression. I understood that I have not been pouring this out before the Lord, I have not been discussing with other leaders and also with my wife! I was just absorbing them and be depressed when I go back home. I learnt the principle of pouring myself out in the presence of God.
Also, replenish your counsellor. You cannot put them on too much task.

Pastor Sijo: We might be counselling a person for years and then we realize that it is time we take external help. Is there any point where we might need external help?

Pastor Priji: We have to accept the possibilities that certain condition require medicine, professional help which is not just spiritual in nature. There can be issues due to hormonal imbalance or some genetic disorder. So we need to keep the possibilities open. There are times when you need to break the trust from your counselee and seek external help. This should be the last resort. You need to accept that you might not always have answers and solutions to everything. Church is a body, we are suppose to depend on each other.

Prayer: Father we bless your children, we bless your pastors, bless the lay-leaders, the elders, the counselling team members, the worship team members. Father we pray that you strengthen their knees, their hands, help them Lord to completely do what you have called them to do, that there will be absolutely nothing lacking in their service to you. Everything you say and do in their life will be a reflection of the life and person of Jesus, who is a wonderful counsellor. Lord we thank you for counselling teams are being birthed and new counsellors are being raised. We thank you because problems that we thought could not be handled are being handled by counsellors and leaders who are listening to this podcast. We bless them In Jesus mighty name. Amen.