The Godly Mission of Relationships
Transcript:
Pastor Priji: It is not quite heard about ministries mentoring couples on how to love like God so it is such a blessing to have you here. Would you like to share a bit more about the ministry and your personal life regarding your marriage and how you met your wife so we can get acquainted?
Dr. PC Mathew: I really appreciate this opportunity that God has blessed me with. The ministry has been 22 years in the making by the grace of God. We are so grateful to have been used by God and to help people.
My roots are from Kerala but I was raised in Chennai, Tamil Nadu where I did my Bachelors in Physics and then pursued Computer Marketing for 2 years. During my final year, I had an awakening that God had called me to work for his kingdom. My family reacted poorly to that decision as it wasn’t secure. My parents wanted me to support the family as in terms of finances, we were unstable. I had worked in 5 companies in which 2 closed down and I only ended up in debt.
Every now and then, I was reminded that God had called me to be different which made me step out and by that time, my family had come around to accepting my purpose too. So I went to Pune and completed 4 years of Theology.
When I was in Bangalore, I met my wife. We were teaching Sunday School and were very active in choir and I recognized that she had a passion for serving the Lord too which is what brought us together. Our love for God helped us be connected which turned into love for each other.
Then we pursued studying in the seminary as individuals as we weren’t at the appropriate time to get married. This gave us time to focus on God and his purpose for our family life to be revealed clearly. After we graduated, we got married and then proceeded to do an internship together.
With time, God had unveiled that our call was to move into an unknown place of need, not many would want to go and purely in his will. So we were shifted to Gulbarga in North Karnataka; an unfamiliar place for the both of us, a totally uncomfortable environment. We pioneered to the youth in colleges as well as pastoring a Church with a small congregation.
Then we ministered in Tumkur and during this season is when we had felt the anguish of so many marriages breaking down among our friends and otherwise. Even though we were all quite vibrant in church responsibilities, marital troubles were pulling on our spiritual lives. We came to the conclusion that these issues haven’t been addressed so a few of us gathered and organized a camp which was the need of the hour. God had transformed my personal relationship and when I returned back to Gulbarga, did a detailed 10 part series study on ‘Family’ with Bible as the only source. Little did we know, God had intended for us to take on this full time. That’s how we made it in Bangalore and now we have 3 boys.
Pastor Priji: That is amazing how God has held you up and transformed your life. How long have you been married for? And what is the heart or the mission of your marriage and family?
Dr. PC Mathew: We got married in 1994 so we’re 26 years strong. One of the things I recognized is the fact that many people perceive the church as a sacred place and home as a secret place. “Home is my private space where I’m free to be as I am whereas in church, I have to be well dressed and what not.” I have witnessed this dichotomy in many families of preachers and missionaries so we made it a point to convey to our family that we are not going to be the ones who do not practice what we preach.
For me and my wife, the mission is first practiced at home and then is to overflow through us to others. We got to live out our roles according to the word of God to fulfill his ultimate plan which is the sole purpose of what he instituted as holy matrimony.
Pastor Priji: I love that you mentioned everything that happens outside us has to be an overflow of what we do at home. So often we assume it’s the other way around.
I just want to know how do you keep the love alive as we’re used to the familiarity of being with each other for long term? What have you learned and practiced in your martial journey?
Dr. PC Mathew: It all depends on what the foundation of your marriage is based on. Is it on feelings? Or even love?
I personally feel that our daily intimacy with God is what has strengthened our relationship and made our souls be intimate with each other. As Genesis states that “They both were naked and felt no shame.” The more of God’s love penetrated through us, it just kept on filling our love for the other without ever waning off. It only kept growing.
We made a commitment even during our courting period that “come what may but we will not let the sun go down in our anger”. Which means that our conflicts are to be resolved before the sun rises up again. Our personalities are drastically different that we had issues expressing ourselves in our initial years of marriage.
We would just come into God’s presence and lay down our differences only to have his spirit overwhelm us and resolve the problem.
Pastor Priji: You talked about laying the right foundation to sustain our relationships. Sometimes we build our foundation on the human understanding of love and mutual desires but what are some of the dangers brought out from your personal experience when basing our life on something that God didn’t prescribe?
Dr. PC Mathew: It doesn’t stand the test of time although initially it seems like everything is going swell. People often acquaint themselves based on relational intimacy where they share similar wavelengths and then get married which doesn’t hold for long. It goes onto physical intimacy but never spiritually.
When we permit God to enter our lives and is in reverence of Him, we model Christ to each other in different ways. The base of spiritual intimacy is laid down first and then relational intimacy and only then does physical intimacy come through.
Pastor Priji: I believe that this is important to not only those who are married but also for the unmarried to fix their foundation on Jesus Christ. We say that it has to be fixated on the word of God but what Biblical principles would you advise to couples to keep their marriage fresh in spite of difficult circumstances?
Dr. PC Mathew: People tend to keep the marriage on auto-pilot mode. There is a misconception that everything just falls into place but it is not so. Marriage is hard work. They find out only after. It needs certain ingredients which cannot be compromised like the foundation should be based on God.
Other than that, having an honest communication with each other than hiding because we are of one flesh. If it concerns the other, it should concern you too. This helps us be more vulnerable towards each other.
Finding out your partner’s love languages also assures you on how to express your love for the other. Which may vary from physical touch or acts of service, whatever it may be, use them to convey how you feel because that’s the language they understand.
Set some time apart for just the two of you. A date night perhaps. With conversations filled with content that specifically matters to your spouse. An in depth conversation of how each of you feel.
When we had completed our 25 years of marriage, I had intentionally booked a holiday away to Bali where we were surrounded by newlyweds. I distinctly remember we were called out by delivery men shouting, “Second Honeymoon!” when really it is our 25th one. You have to commemorate the important dates every year so as to feel happy. Relive those memories that God has blessed us with.
Don’t lose the awe you have for your partner. If you take your eyes off of God, you will have enough to gaze at.
Ask God to forgive you when you fall off the wagon because our life is full of confessions.
Pastor Priji: For our listeners, where can they find your book on being a mission filled family and how can they access it?
Dr. PC Mathew: You can visit our website at urbanindia.org. They are available on Amazon and you can get the Kindle version of it as well. The book is all about making the family a discipleship centered.
We also have a workbook to implement in and through your family.
Pastor Priji: Thank you so much for joining us today. I know this is going to provoke a lot of thoughts to our listeners. May your ministry along with your team continue to be a blessing among others. Thank you for giving us your time.